A few days ago I turned 40 and tonight I was just thinking about
past relationships... the things that went right, the things that
went wrong, and the outright disasters.

A little background. I'm a reasonably well-off, college-educated
white male, 6'0" in good shape. I've been married once for 5 years,
divorced for 3. I went through my AFC (wussy) phase in my late
teens, but I was fortunate enough to snap out of it by the time I
was 20. From then on it was smooth sailing.

So I'd like to share some of
my observations in no particular order:

1) No matter how good-looking a woman is, she will always become
boring (particularly sexually) with time. The boredom accelerates
if the relationship becomes domestic (living together, marriage,
etc.).

2) Men remain in boring relationships out of sentimentality or
financial convenience... but rarely fear.

3) Over the long run, the periods that men are without a partner and
frustrated are generally happier than being stuck in a relationship
which has lost its luster.

4) Women generally do the selecting in the earliest phases of a
relationship. Once a woman has committed herself emotionally, the
balance of power shifts to the man (assuming he has some degree of
self-confidence).

5) Contrary to the myth that "looks don't matter" to women, physical
attraction may be the primary and key deciding factor for a woman.
However, it is difficult to determine just what will be physically
attractive to any particular female. Even though men also value
looks, they are far more willing to initially compromise on looks in
the pursuit of sex.

6) If a woman is initially physically attracted to a man, there is
very little he can do wrong on a first date.

7) If a woman is not initially physically attracted to a man, there
is very little he can do right on a first date.

8) Always pay attention to a woman's actions. If she says she likes
you but will not respond to kissing or touching, then she doesn't
like you. Move on immediately.

9) Just like there are many men who are simply assholes, the same
goes for women. If a woman is rude or inconsiderate in the first
few dates, move on immediately -- it will not get better with time.

10) Any strange psychological problems, drug problems or baggage...
move on immediately -- it will not get better with time.

11) All women have the same body parts. Don't obsess over one
particular female based on appearance. It's a waste of life.

12) The vast majority of men get rejected much more often than they
seal the deal. If you are rejected you are simply shooting par.
Relax.

13) Above all, women crave attention. Women want to date rock stars
not because they find the man himself exciting, but because they
find the thought of sharing the limelight exciting. Ask any young
girl what she wants to be. Top answers: model, actress, singer.

14) The sad truth is that we can only truly know ourselves. A
wonderful woman you marry today and trust completely may change
radically over the course of time to become your most vicious enemy.
There is absolutely no way to predict this or stop this from
happening. It is, ultimately, a matter of chance.

15) There are far more available women out there than you think.

16) Humans are generally not very good at monogamy. Most men in
long-term relationships cheat to varying degrees, and a great number
of women do as well. It's simply a matter of biology. If you
discover that your significant other had an affair, the best course
of action may sometimes be to take the high road and let it go.

17) Never, never, never be afraid to approach a female. To
reiterate: they all have the same body parts, and they are all
composed of Carbon, Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, and trace elements.
There isn't a single woman on Earth who is "above" you, no matter
what her affectations and social pretenses.

18) Women tend to be far more pragmatic about relationships than
men.

19) Unconditional love is a nice sentiment, but does not generally
apply to male/female relationships. It does however, almost always
apply to female/child, and to a slightly lesser extent, male/child
relationships.

20) Never become financially entangled with a female. If you decide
to marry, do not even think of doing so without a prenuptial
agreement. This is common practice in Europe, however there is
still a social stigma attached to these agreements in the U.S.

21) Sex is generally overrated. The amount of effort expended in
obtaining it vs. the payoff is absurd.

22) If a woman in a relationship begins to lose interest, it is
usually impossible to regain it. The feelings you are having of
confusion and fear mean something... trust your gut and move on
immediately.

23) After breakups, men usually tend to forget about the sexual
boredom and once again find their past girlfriends exciting.

24) If a woman has not gained some form of emotional stability by
the time she is her mid-twenties, then it is too late. Move on
immediately.

25) Avoid women with a large number of pets or women who pay unusual
amounts of attention to their pets.

26) Most first-time marriages fail. Consider that if you decide to
get married, there is better than a coin-flip chance that you will
be divorced. If any other civil contract had as high a failure
rate, Congress would outlaw it. The world has changed dramatically
in the last three or four decades and many people have postponed
marriage until much later in life, or simply never get married.

27) If you do decide to get married, remember that it IS a contract
- one that you can't get out of without a great deal of expense and
pain. Never be sentimental about marriage. Love is only one piece
of the pie. You may love a woman terribly, but you may also be
unable to deal with her in everyday affairs and money matters.

28) Avoid women with addictions, particularly the big three:
nicotine, alcohol, and born-again Christianity.

29) Never avoid discussing something that bothers you out of fear of
losing the relationship. Most relationships will - sooner or later
- be lost anyway. It's better to stand up for yourself early on.

30) Always keep the ego in check. If a woman you are approaching
for the first time is rude or obnoxious, simply go away. Tossing an
insult or scathingly witty comment back simply demonstrates that
your self-confidence is far lower than hers. Always, always, always
take the higher road. This doesn't mean be a pushover, it means you
bend with the wind (kind of a Zen thing). The best way to disarm an
obnoxious female is to treat her with courtesy and respect.

31) There is an inverse relationship between self-confidence and
concern with what others think of you.

32) Self-confident men desire sex, but don't dwell on it.

33) Most reasonable, normal women will make it clear if they are
attracted to you or not very early on. Period. If you have
difficulty reading a woman's motives, or find yourself dwelling on
what she meant by something she said, or you can't seem to pin down
a date, then move on immediately.

Hope this helps.

The Unknown Don